Ryan O’Callaghan: Editor-in-Chief and Pretty Person
Though Ryan’s physical being travels in between SUNY Cortland and the small Long Island village of Freeport, his soul is somewhere in England. At this very moment, his soul is having tea with Russel Brand, Alan Rickman, John Cleese, Ricky Gerves, Emma Thompson, and Emma Watson. Though they are all having a ripping good laugh, Ryan’s soul needs to leave, for he has a Ryanair flight to catch. He will be visiting his Grandmother in Dublin, Ireland for the afternoon, only to take another flight back to England to meet with Hugh Grant about playing the lead in the screen adaptation of Ryan’s book.
Cara Jones, M.D.: Editor and Aspiring Cartoon Celebrity
After receiving her doctorate in Obstetrics and Gynecology from UC Berkley, and a rather successful, though short career at UCSF Medical Center, Cara Jones switched gears and coasts, relocating to upstate New York to pursue journalism. “It’s always been a dream of mine to become a writer,” she said in an interview with The Potato. “Becoming a doctor afforded me the possibility. And now, instead of delivering babies, I deliver the news.” An avid marathon runner, Cara shares her secret weapon to staying alive for the twenty-six point two miles: “Lots of water, and genetics. It’s all in the family, really. People can’t keep up with [the Joneses] for a reason.” Step aside, Kardashians. This journalist has a whole lot of spunk.
Sarah Polech: Staff Writer and Lady Person Extraordinaire
Upon being shunned from the Weasley family for sporting brunette locks, Sarah wished to bring this tragedy to the Ministry of Magic. However, after determining the Weasley family could not be fit for committing such disownment, the court ruled in their favor, leaving defenseless Sarah to take residence in a cupboard of her own. Her wand being taken away, Sarah was left with a mere pen in return, which is now her weapon of choice. Also, she very much enjoys nail polish, Ryan Gosling’s existence, and raspberry iced tea.
Rob Terry: Staff Writer and Psychic Cynic
Rob stared at the moon every night from age two until ten, and because of that he now glows in the dark. It’s helped him earn the nickname the “Light of the Party.” It’s also given him the Superman ability to fly around Earth and outer space. His favorite show is “Dancing with the Stars”, something Rob literally can do and does do every Sunday night. Rob’s been called a lunatic by his mother, to which he retorted, “It’s lunartic! But you wouldn’t know the difference!” Lunatic, lunartic or just looney, Rob is certainly a lexophile, and his obsession with words has been lifelong.
Cassandra Basile: Staff Writer and Bio-Organic Dictionary
In the 1950s, a farmer and his wife gave birth to young girl. Cassandra, however, was born in the 1990s to Mr. Basile, the owner of the world’s largest board game collection, and Mrs. Basile, an amateur frisbee golfer. Since she was a little girl, Cassandra knew what she wanted to do with her life; she wanted to be the dictionary. She took to reciting the definitions of abnormal words daily. It is unclear if she has grown out of this habit. Cassandra currently resides in the city of Cortland, New York. She is regularly annoyed by people and quotes Liam Neeson in “Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.” “Just because you have the capacity to speak doesn’t make you intelligent.”
Robyn Macy: Staff Writer and Professional Skeet Shooter
Robyn is a proud Lawn-guy-lander who is fluent in JAP, Queens and whatever accent that is that Deena from Jersey Shore has when she’s drunk. She prides herself on her talent of reciting entire full house episodes verbatim and her uncanny ability to impersonate Morgan Freeman. Her dream is to one day be on Toddlers and Tiaras… or Cash Cab (whichever comes first).